Please, let me fuck your mom
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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