Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
