the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize