make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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