I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
