I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
