Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
