Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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