when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
