Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
