I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
