i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
