It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
