just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I want a musical about memes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
