We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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