Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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