I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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