just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
