Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
