8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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