wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
