sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
