I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize