how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
