im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
