we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize