guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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