it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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