I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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