She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
