found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
