the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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