i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
