Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
