My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
being pregnant is like rehab
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
