i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
