Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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