The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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