i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She bit a glass in half.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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