I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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