I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
