So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she told me i tasted like america
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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