Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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