She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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