$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
