does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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