with your own penis?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
