Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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