I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
