my phone needs a breathalizer
Ketchup is God's man juice
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
