The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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