So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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