So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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