Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
