VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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