: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
