The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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