You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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