so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
