so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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