this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
