smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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