This is not my ceiling
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
