I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
