I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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