My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
